400 already

  Something I just noticed. 400 blog posts, this being 401. Quite a few, mostly rambling rubbish, for a guy that doesn't really express himself much. In person I really am very quiet and never say much at all. I usually feel that there is very little worth saying and what I do say I mean (unless I'm being sarcastic of course :-) ). When I talk to my wife I tell her what I feel is important, like the fact that I love her. That is a fact.

  On this blog though I tend to waffle on more than I normally do, so considering what I say on here you must figure I never have much to say and only talk about a few topics. Imagine how thrilling talking to me is :| . Also to give you an idea of how long it takes me to just write this simple thing I've been thinking about what to write here for almost 40 minutes now.

  Yeah, my brain really doesn't work that well in that way. I have no idea why it just does. Yet I can look at a piece of code and see it working, work out how things flow and what could potentially cause a problem. All that from just seeing it let alone watching it run in real time. I sometimes wonder if my brain worked another way whether I could still do the job I do. Or why my brain ended up like this. Was it born like this and I gravitated to what I do or was it shaped by what I did when I was younger which was shaped by people around me? Whatever the answer I don't think I can change how I think despite the problems it causes me sometimes.

  Well, this post has gone in an unexpected direction. Pondering on how my mind works and how I wish it worked differently so I could express myself to my wife better. Then wondering if it did that if I could not support us with what I do. Also would it change what I find enjoyable to do? So many questions and directions to go in thought wise and no way to find all the answers. Frustrating. Maybe that is why I stick with what I can see the answer to, knowing that I can work out everything I need to with what I understand is nice. Things that are hard for me to understand I avoid it seems. Hence my reticence with dealing with feelings I think, I never understood them, even my own ones.

  Time for me to go think about what I do enjoy for a bit then. Wife boobs it is.