Hermitage

 Even at the ripe old age of 41 I still feel an incredible amount of shyness. My wife is the only person I've ever met that I feel safe talking to, anybody else I would rather just avoid having any contact. When I have to I talk to people but that is always just to achieve something, some forced interaction such as buying something in a shop. However beyond that I will not say a thing to anybody if they don't interact with me first.

  I always wondered why I find it so crippling to go up to someone and say something. Let alone confrontation, I'll always try to find a non confrontational way to resolve a problem. I know this annoys some people but it is just the way I do things. To be honest I've gotten over worrying about what other people think of me, I just try to be who I am. There was a time when I did, long ago. However meeting my wife and loving being with her got rid of all of that.

  If I could just be with my wife and do things with her for the rest of my life I would. I get so fed up with interacting with other people. I need a better way of controlling who can interact with me other than they happen to be near my physically or putting something online where there is something else I'm trying to read. The world needs a people filter so you can filter out anybody you don't want to hear from. Wouldn't that be too cool?

  I don't know, maybe I just don't need other people. I don't need all that stuff that goes along with it, I'd rather do something quiet indoors that all that messing about with other people around. When my wife and I go out we always get to somewhere as it opens before the crowds get there and by the time we leave wherever it is is starting to fill up. Then again I am a person who could sit playing a videogame all day and not come up for air let alone remember to eat 3 meals in a day, a habit that I know annoys my wife. I've no idea why I like just getting so absorbed in to something like that but I do.

  I think a better way to describe all this would be to say that I want control over when and how much I interact with people. I want to chose when it happens rather than have someone force it on me. If that makes me slightly introverted or whatever then so be it. I like who I am mostly and I'm not going to change it.