Well I found out over the weekend that my last living grandparent had died. My 92 year old grandmother on my mothers side passed away in the hospital, never really standing a chance of coming back from the heart attack she had last week. She was a frail old woman who lived in a home since her memory was a fraction of what it used to be. Compare that to my other grandmother who died somewhere around age 88 when her body gave up from disease while her mind was still sharp as anything.
The strange thing about this death though is I really don't feel anything. She is gone and I'm sad about that but she has been mostly gone to me for years now. She lived in another country and even then she wasn't the woman I knew. I remember her as the intelligent and incredibly strong willed woman that shaped my mother. I don't remember her has the woman she became that I only saw a glimpse of on a trip back to England quite a while ago now.
The other thing this brings up is should I feel bad about not feeling anything. I think if people understand why I feel like I do it should be ok but in a way you are expected to grieve. I may do at some point when I think about her, as I probably will having had this happen, but for now I will just live my life as per normal and see what happens. I'm here at work typing this not sure how the day will go. Still you can only move on and see what happens and then deal with it.
No comments:
Post a Comment