I've grown accustomed to being good at things I like. Never the best (although sometimes in the limited world that is school I was academically) but pretty good. When these things come along where I suddenly find myself at the top of the pile it seems alien to me. What did I do to get there when I wasn't even trying? How can I make this kind of thing happen in other parts of my life that will have a material impact on it? Am I really worthy of being number 1?
Kind of a bit of self doubt there I think. I've never thought I deserved what I get sometimes. To me things that I am good at I don't think I should be rewarded for doing, they just come naturally to me. I've never had to try in school to pass exams, I never revised, I never did anything but the lessons and bits of homework, no extra learning. Even university was like that for me. The few times I tried to expand what I knew didn't lead to any results so I've never bothered. Even this course I just went on, now that I know what this product is capable of I'm not going to learn anything new about it, I already know everything it can do. Now I just need to use it which I'm not going to have any trouble doing so. Sure with practice at things you get faster and more automatic in how you do things but not what I would call any better. You still end up doing the same things just in a more efficient manner. The act of coming up with something new or expanding the range or applicability of something is alien to me.
Gah, all this from a surprise number 1. What the hell would I do if something important to me came out on top? Marrying my wife, which is the best thing I've ever done, changed my life so completely it was hard for me to comprehend all the good things it would do to me. Will other things at that level ever happen again?
No comments:
Post a Comment