Actually finish something

  Over the last couple of evenings I've gone back to play Mass Effect 3. I got the game when it came out but for one reason or another ended up not actually finishing the game. Given that I try to finish most games I buy and how much I enjoyed Mass Effect 2 it was strange I didn't finish this game. I've noticed that a few times I'll start something and not finish it. Trying to actually finish things I start before starting other things is something I want to be better at. Then again with some games, even though you have finished the main story, there are lots of other things you can do before you can say you have finished a game. There are all sorts of optional extras which given my way of playing games and trying to do everything can really hold me back from saying I've finished a game. Sometimes I find myself a little too OCD over things like that although fortunately I do hit a point occasionally where I stop having fun with a game while doing those things and move on to something else. Maybe it is because I don't want to miss out on something in doing that extra stuff, I've spent all this money and time on playing the game I try to wring out as much from it as I can.

  Anyway another random thought in my head that ended up as words written on this blog. I wonder how long it will take me to finish the things I'm currently doing?

Everything felt right

  Ever had one of those days where everything feels right. My day with my wife on our anniversary was like that. Every moment of it just felt as good as it gets to use a phrase. I forgot all my troubles and just enjoyed being with my wife. I'm not going to describe every detail but suffice to say it was a great way to spend our time together. My wife and me doing things we like and being with each other the whole day. I don't think there is anything better in life.

What now?

  I'm at the point where I need to make decisions. For me that is never easy but right now I need to decide if we are going to be moving to the east coast, move somewhere around here, find a new job or something else will come along. I hate making decisions and feel the need to just destress somehow. Fortunately I have a couple of days off tomorrow for our anniversary which is going to be relaxing and just my wife and I. I'll probably worry again with not wanting to mess it up and stress myself over that but I also intend to enjoy my time alone with my wife. Yeah there will be other people around but we will block them out since it is about the two of us and celebrating the day we got married.

  As an aside my wife found some photos from a couple of decades ago from when we were first married. It is kind of scary how much hair I had back then compared to now. Not to mention seriously huge eyebrows. It all seems so long ago now, especially when you consider we have been adults longer than we were children, once you get past that point you really do realise you are grown up and everything you decide should in theory be a grown up decision. Really though the way you make decisions doesn't change that much, you just have more experience and knowledge to allow you to make that decision.

  So the decision I need to make now is which way to move us out of the house we are in is the most feasible and best. I know what would make us the happiest but I'm not sure I can get that one. I know I can make one happen but the overwhelming feeling of stress you get from doing that and all the annoyances of actually making it happen (moving is one of the most stressful things you can do) are going to stress me out so much in the near future. Wish me luck.

Almost the right place

  I just missed the space shuttle fly by of the bay area from here at the office. If I was a few miles further west I might have seen it. As it was I caught it via a video stream online and it looked cool. Maybe one day I'll see a space shuttle in person but for now this is a close as I can get to it. Kind of cool when you consider what the space shuttles managed to do time and time again with just a couple of catastrophic failures. Given the number of times normal rocket launches have problems it is quite astounding that they managed that many successful lift offs and landings.

  It seems physical location does have some effect on some things. Now to get on with changing the physical location of my house (not literally but via moving to a new one) so that my wife and I can be happier in our lives. Sometimes almost the right place is not anywhere near right enough.

Routines

  I get very set in to routines of doing things. Something about my personality makes that very comforting to me. Take my commute to and from work, I've been so used to listening to podcasts on my iPod as I do that that when the iPod connection in the car broke it really threw me off. Now that I've fixed it everything feels right again while I'm driving back and forth to work. Just that something about having the familiar actions and surroundings.

  Some people thrive on change, I seem to thrive on the same old stuff over and over with just the odd bit of new sprinkled in. Not sure why I'm like that but I am, it seems to be how mentally I deal with things the best. I find something I like and stick with it pretty much forever.

  The perfect example of that is my wife. When I first met her it felt so right and I knew I just wanted to be with her forever. Anything that makes that change I avoid like the plague. I would do everything I can to make sure her and I stay together for all of our lives and do my best to make those lives as long as possible. To live any other way would destroy who I am and what I find best for me. My life with my wife is something I treasure more than anything else. Not everything out of our control is how I want it but the sheer fact of being with her overrules any other possible thing in my life.

  Things really are that simple sometimes. There are some things you will never change because to change them would be to change who you are and what makes you happy. My way of doing things makes me happy. My wife makes me happy.

More exciting stuff

  For me there are a few things that get me excited. My wife, a good game, yummy food and few other things. Mainly my wife true but this morning I saw another thing that got me excited. Here it is presented without comment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=yYz0JWJioOM

Looking forward

  I sometimes find myself dwelling on what has happened. There is a lot of good that has happened in my life so it can be nice. However like most people you see the things you did wrong and that gets you down. Recently I've tried not to think about those bad things quite so much since in the end, assuming you've learned a lesson or two, just moving on always seems to be the right thing to do. I really don't want to get stuck down with regretting anything that has happened but would rather look forward to things that could happen and some things I know will happen like my wife and I's 20th wedding anniversary next year.

  I don't know. Maybe it is just the inherent optimist in me that makes me want to think that things will always get better. I know they don't always but I try to keep hoping and striving to make them better. My nature of being non confrontational can get in the way and sometimes I need a bit of a push to keep going the last few steps. I'm loathe to make sudden decisions even though they can be required sometimes, heck even deciding on what to do during the day can be hard for me unless I've thought about it for a while beforehand. Even at my age having things dropped on me gives me that feeling of losing control. I like having things a certain way and keeping them that way and it literally scares me if something new and unknown comes along.

  There is so much potential coming up in the near future it is also kind of scary. I just want to get it over with so that when the good changes come I can get on with enjoying my life with my wife and all the good things coming to us. Change is scary but when it leads to good things it is worth it. Without getting over that fear of change I would never have met my wife, meeting her was the most amazing thing in my life even though it made me so incredibly nervous. Here's hoping together we can get some of that good stuff very soon.

Starting to trickle in

  Well the changes with the new job are just starting to come in now. I got paid on Friday by the new company (yay that was sorted out ok). Today the employee stock purchase program kicked in and I could sell some stock I got at 85% of cost for immediate profit. Slowly (the only way companies seem to act) but surely things are changing. It always takes too long for what we want it seems, the rest of the world doesn't move at our pace.

  Still things are better now than they were a month ago before this company merger by a bit. If I can keep it going in this direction life for my wife and I can only improve.

Correct career

  I did some work on the car this weekend after we got back from our weekend away in the caravan. It was a simple change out of the iPod box attached to the stereo in the car. Simply remove the stereo, unplug 5 cables, remove old box, place in new box, plug in 5 cables, test, put stereo back and final test. Everything went fine up until the last step, after putting the stereo back in place it the new iPod connection stopped working. ARGH. So I had to remove it, change one cable, put it back, remove it, put it back, remove it and put it back one more time before everything finally worked. At one point the car thought the bonnet was open, WTF was that? Still after about an hour it was all done. I now know I chose the right career for me, very little physical labour or fiddly manual stuff. My job involves thinking and pressing buttons on a keyboard to make computers do things. Pretty simple really. Sometimes I have to connect cables but that is very rare considering even phones are now virtual on a computer nowadays and don't need a physical connection. I know I have an easy job physically and am really glad for it. My hands (which have several scratches on them now) are also glad as well.

  Now only just over a week until another night away for 19 years of marriage to my lovely wife. As the years mount up it is getting kind of weird that I've reached this point in my life. You can't imagine it when you are younger and now that I am here I can't imagine my life without all the time with my wife. Strange really, you change so much in your outlook over time.

Success

  It seems the tactic of staying up late last night in order to preorder my wife's new iPhone succeeded. Her order will be delivered on the release day unlike the two week wait most people are now seeing. It took a little while for the website to settle down but within 15 minutes we were in and got the order through no problems. A little perseverance is all it took it seems and maybe a dash of luck.

  Still it's really satisfying knowing we got through and got what we wanted with relatively no problems. We didn't end up with a yucky white one (seriously, who thinks they look good?) so that is even better.

  Now we just need to make sure the kittens we were told about hiding out with their mother in our back garden are ok. They must be around close nearby after I saw the mother moving them yesterday evening. Where she was taking them I couldn't tell although I suspect it is hidden in some bush somewhere. I'll keep an ear out for the kittens mewling just in case. We are half tempted to adopt them but they need to be taken away and fixed, especially the mother who really didn't want us near her for obvious reasons.

  Anyway, that is another new product we successfully got on release to add the long list of things we got just as they were released. Mainly technology things but we do have a knack of getting them no problems which seems strange when compared to how many people have such difficulty getting their hands on the very same things. Strange luck for us when it comes to that I suppose.

Anticipation

  Getting that antsy feeling today. My wife also, we are both waiting for Apple to get off its arse and announce the next iPhone already. My wife needs a new phone, hers it getting left behind speed wise and having something that allows her to do what she wants to do with it in a reasonable amount of time seems something very worth having. That and she deserves new cool stuff. The joy of giving her something that excites and pleases her is something I crave. Getting that reaction when you hand over an object she really wants is incredibly pleasing and satisfying.

  So we are both anticipating this announcement very eagerly for a variety of reasons. I have everything prepared, a live blog stream at the ready, a log in to the carrier website and all the details I need. I just need for the floodgates to open and something to actually happen.

It is your day

  We went to the hairdresser last night to get our hair coloured. As part of the discussion with the stylist or whatever you want to call her, her upcoming wedding was discussed. It was discovered yet again that everybody other than the bride and groom were trying to get their way with pretty much all the details. For a day that is about two people coming together a lot of other related people always want it to be more about them.

  There is the talk about the dress, the location, the date, the people being invited and a million other little details. I know there is a lot to organise depending on how large a wedding you are going to have but the final decision is nobodies but the two main people involved.

  It brought back memories of my wife and I's wedding. Once we announced we were getting married my mother in law took over and very few choices were left to us. It was kind of frustrating but since we weren't paying for any of it we couldn't say too much. In the end we did get the main thing we wanted, being married to each other, but the build up to it was a lot of hassle and stress.

  So to anyone getting married, try your hardest to have it your way. It is something that, once you have the right person, only ever happens once in your life. Get it right and it will be one of the most important days in your entire life. Life is nothing more than being happy with those you love and celebrating the coming together of you and your loved one is something that is yours and yours alone.

Lazing around watching TV

  My wife and I did a lot of lazing around watching TV this weekend. In fact we've done quite a lot of it over the last couple of months with her being pretty much grounded due to recovering from surgery. Over that time we've watched an awful lot of episodes of various TV programs.  Some of it was done in bed when my wife could do nothing but lay in bed and some of it reclining on our big sectional sofa we got a couple of years ago. Still in all of it we spend lots of time together being entertained (to varying degrees of success depending on how many actors there are in the program that annoy us) and pretty much ignoring the rest of the world around us.

  Other than interruptions we can't ignore (the call for food from rumbly stomachs, a cat demanding attention, the need to bathe and poop etc.) we could just sit/lay together, occasionally saying something to each other and take in what we were watching. It occurred to me while doing that that where we do it really doesn't matter. The important part is that we are doing it together sharing in the experience. There are occasional programs where only one of us will watch it either due to the other not liking it or one of us doing something else but for the most part we watch everything together. If I could find a place somewhere in the world where we could do that in peace, our own little hideaway where we can be left alone, the experience would be so much better. When you get involved in something you don't want anything else to get in the way. My challenge now is to make this place a reality. To get us to a house and place where we can do this. It seems to be our biggest hope and dream at the moment and once we achieve that life will be that much better.

  Seems strange that amusing ourselves with things that aren't real allows us to have a better real life. For us it is how we want to live I think, have nothing more real than being with each other (plus various cats and a hamster :) ) and give a big eff you to the rest of the world.

Is this so hard?

  Sometimes I come here and my mind goes immediately blank. I know I could waffle on about the latest game stuff that is interesting me but I doubt anyone really cares or actually reads what I write about that. Then I end with a problem. I know what I write here is just for me but I quite often have no idea what to type in. I could go on about Borderlands 2 coming out in a little under 2 weeks but nobody would care what I think. I could go on about the house next door and the chance that it is going to be sold and have people move in but that is just something that my wife and I care about.

  Just one of those days when I wonder why I bother I suppose. Work and life to get on with but other than going through the motions nothing exciting is happening. "New" job is same as before right now and we need to finish what we are working on before changing anything. Pushing to get changes going from management but they are in the process of rearranging and haven't actually done anything yet so it if frustrating.

  I don't know. Maybe it's just that there is so much that could happen in the near future but nothing is actually happening. That hurry up and wait mentality where you know something good is coming and want it to get here now. After taking so long to get here these new good things are teasing me and even though I'm pretty patient I think I'm getting tired of waiting. I push as much as I can but when it doesn't happen I understand a little how other people feel when they want something to happen right away.

  Still now that I've almost got this blog post done, 4 hours after I opened the page to write it, maybe I can relax a bit after understanding my mental loopiness I have at the moment. Clearly some distractions are needed so I don't think and dwell on this too much.

Lowest common denominator

  I just had to go through an online course that is required of all "new hires". This is silly, I'm a professional person who has been working for almost two decades now. Being treated like an idiot because there are literally some idiots out there is insulting to be honest. The having to include everybody so they don't feel left out mentality is just wrong, not everyone can do everything and people need to get over the fact that they aren't going to do and get everything. If you simply can't do or understand something you are never going to do it. So dumbing it down or making it unavailable to those who can do something is even more idiotic.

  I just went to the course, looked at what it was about, flicked through the slides for the presentation and did the "tests" getting every question correct and wondered why my time was being wasted. When I was at school by the time you were in double digit ages you were separated in to streams of what was basically how clever you were. They didn't try and get everyone to the same level of education since it simply isn't realistic. This idea that everyone can achieve the same is downright stupid and drags more people down than it lifts people up. Just stop it already.

Patience

  I'm a pretty patient person. I can spend a long time waiting for something to happen after doing what I need to do. And yet I keep finding myself waiting for other people to get their arse in to gear and actually do something. I've been known to send a request to someone to do something and then let them just get it done. Any competent person would do it in a reasonable amount of time and then get back to me. Sometimes though people just seem to not care. I wonder how they live like that.

  Just needed to vent that, people still annoy me it seems.

  Another weird thought. I saw a quote this morning about an actress that was worried she had curves and not a straight up and down figure. She finally had realised that there was no point worrying about it and trying to force yourself in to some ideal. Lets not get in to the whole point that I strongly disagree with one of the current perceptions of an ideal female figure and look at something else. This actress is a US size 4 (UK 6 roughly) and barely has any curvy figure to being with. The fact that they considered themselves a wrong shape and too curvy is downright scary. As it is that size is on the small end of the range and should be considered below normal. It is worrying that people view themselves like that, I wish more women would consider the fact that people don't find stick insects attractive. Argh etc.

I'm abnormal

  Apparently me not wanting my wife to go away makes me abnormal. See all the fascinating things I learn from her by being with her? Also my grammar is not exact enough, I say what I know but due to my lax grammar leave it open for twisting the meaning to something opposite. In that way my wife is way better than me, she can take a sentence and turn it on it's head without actually changing any of the words.

  Another way I'm abnormal? I pretty much don't like watching any sports. That's a man thing isn't it? Or how about being an English person who doesn't like tea? I dunno, (which incidentally was the name of my first computer in engineering at work since that is what I said when asked what to call it) anything that doesn't follow a stereotype could be considered abnormal.

  Normal for me is me how I am. As it should be for any person really. There is no abnormal, just something that isn't as common as other things. I'm pretty common in some ways but uncommon in others (like dashing good looks :| ).

  I just know my wife is as rare as anything is. There is no one else like her and I'm happy to be the one who she is with. So the thought of her going away kills me inside.