I sometimes find myself dwelling on what has happened. There is a lot of good that has happened in my life so it can be nice. However like most people you see the things you did wrong and that gets you down. Recently I've tried not to think about those bad things quite so much since in the end, assuming you've learned a lesson or two, just moving on always seems to be the right thing to do. I really don't want to get stuck down with regretting anything that has happened but would rather look forward to things that could happen and some things I know will happen like my wife and I's 20th wedding anniversary next year.
I don't know. Maybe it is just the inherent optimist in me that makes me want to think that things will always get better. I know they don't always but I try to keep hoping and striving to make them better. My nature of being non confrontational can get in the way and sometimes I need a bit of a push to keep going the last few steps. I'm loathe to make sudden decisions even though they can be required sometimes, heck even deciding on what to do during the day can be hard for me unless I've thought about it for a while beforehand. Even at my age having things dropped on me gives me that feeling of losing control. I like having things a certain way and keeping them that way and it literally scares me if something new and unknown comes along.
There is so much potential coming up in the near future it is also kind of scary. I just want to get it over with so that when the good changes come I can get on with enjoying my life with my wife and all the good things coming to us. Change is scary but when it leads to good things it is worth it. Without getting over that fear of change I would never have met my wife, meeting her was the most amazing thing in my life even though it made me so incredibly nervous. Here's hoping together we can get some of that good stuff very soon.
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