Some things to admit

There was a post on my blog earlier about the lies I have told that my wife wrote but I took it down. I lied to my wife about taking it down, on the very first day of promising not to lie to her again. I wanted to write it in my own words, not hide what was in it. So here it goes, a list of lies I have told.

Lets start out with a simple one, I told my friend that my wife did not let me have crab/fish after talking about that. This is not true, my wife will always ask if I want any when we are out shopping and I will refuse. I just said that to get sympathy for myself.

I had four different ways of talking to my friend, this blog, facebook, IM and email. All of these I kept hidden from my wife and told my friend not to tell my wife I was talking to her.

I agreed with my friend that my wife is lazy, saying she only does the laundry and vacuuming. This is also not true, she will load the dishwasher, cook for me, look after our cats, clean my electric razor, etc. She does all of this with a bad shoulder that stops her from lifting anything heavy or straining it. You get the idea, another lie to make myself look good and my wife look bad.

In the morning I often make love to my wife before getting up in the morning. I did that and then as I was getting ready to go to work would talk to my friend online right after I had done that.

I posted on here once that when my wife came back to bed she did it noisily and woke me up deliberately. Also not true, the door to the bedroom sticks and with my wife's shoulder problems it is really hard to open quietly. Now I will also mention the countless number of times I have snored, twitched and woken my wife up in bed. I find it relatively easy to fall asleep after waking up most of the time but my wife does not. Again you can see how I made something look like I was suffering when this was not the case.

 When this thing happened it was right after my friend had been on a date. This was just a couple of weeks after my wife and my friend had their big blow up, which was caused by me telling my friend who my wife was, before which she had been completely in love with the person she thought my wife was. My wife (and now myself since I have seen the letters) could not understand how someone could get over what they had so quickly and was trying to tell my friend that who did not want to hear it.

I told my friend my wife would run away and hide from things when they get hard. She does not do that, that is something I do and I've seen my friend do as well. One time I talked to my friend as she was staying "offline" when being online so that she didn't have to talk to my wife but was talking to me. I did not tell my friend that this was a problem but agreed that it was a good idea.

To further go down the fake holiday hole, I did that more than once, creating fake documents, faking phone calls and generally pretending like a holiday was going to happen only to tell the truth at the very last moment that we were not going anywhere.

I once referenced that I had never had a good blow job. This is not true, it simply does not do much for me at all. That is my problem not my wife's problem. She does all the right moves, the things with touching, sucking, using her tongue, blowing, using her hands in the right way but somehow it just doesn't work for me. I hid this fact from her for the almost 20 years we have been together.



  This final thing needs to be spaced out from all the above. If you want to know the seriousness of what is going on in my life at the moment know this. After my wife and I had a fairly sleepless night we both fell asleep from pure exhaustion at some time past 2am. A little while later I woke to noises from over by the door to the bedroom. I looked over and saw my wife trying to hang/strangle herself using a stretchy band she uses for physiotherapy stretch exercises on her shoulder. I bolted out of bed and went over and removed it from her neck. This is what we are going through right now and how desperate my wife is feeling over what I have done. I am not going to hide any of this and let people see me as who I really am.